im sorry if my last journal scared yoiu. . .
today has been a bad day and a good day and im so confused right now wait ill slow down
breathe in
breathe out
listen to hide
cry
kay done i dunno
im just weird right now. . .
not bipolar. . . just wierd. .
i dunno if this was a good day or not
arg SO CONFUSED!!!!!!!!
my head hurts. . .
warg. . .
my back hurts and my teas cold. .
hiiiiiideeeeeeee. . . .
i think ill go watch miyavi be a chipmunk thatlll cheer me up yeh. . .
bye luvluv
im sorry that was short and wierd and i hope im bnot scaring anyone i think maybe its pms arg sorry tmi ill be good by the time i get back so sorry
arg
so confused

i seem to be confusing some with my amish speak lemme tell you my story and how i have jpop and manga and everyone on jpopasia to thank.
ill tell you the avg amish kids life them ill tell you my story. ( this was taken from a message sent too a freind)
amish kids are born the same way, tehre are no home births like most people seem to think. they are raised quite strictly in lancaster, but i live in geauga, so wer'e a bit more. . i dunno less strict?
not all amish people live on farms, my family had animals, but they were al pets and we never gardened. when they turn 5, they go to kindergarten since private amish scools dont have kindergarden. then they go to amish school when they go to the first grade. sometimes parents eitheer dont have the money to pay the tuition, or they just dont want there kids to go to amish scool. "provate amish school" sounds relly high n mighty pish posh(?) but really its a one room school house where they teach up to decimals and fractions and some formulas like lxw or area (ITS WHY AMISH PEOPLE ARE RETARDED!)
koff* that was mean dont read that. . . _
they learn german thats all thats different from regurlar schools.. . they go to 8th grade
mean while when they turn 12 girls start wearing different dresses that "symolizes they are women" idk then when your 14or out of school you start wearing white caps instead of black. im wearing one cos i just got outta school (i dont no about amish guysapparal changes ????) i dont pay attention to most of it . .
but anyways then both sexex start working some full time some part time (i worked full time at a green house from auguast thro october) all the guys get to keep there money as far as that goes an the girls (including me), in mostfamiles have to give the money to threre mothers. they spendit on whatever they want.
we go to church every other week at a persons house inthe church. we take turns.
at 16-17 our parents get to decide whether or not we can run around depends agian on the family. but we all do it.
THIS is when true amish hipocracy starts if you ask me. but you dont have to listen to my opinion if you dont want. instead of slowly getting there kids to learn social behavior an dslowly have bfs/gfs and go to parties they are thrown from,quote ami "chains to hell" end quote.
these are the amish parties but ill save those for last. we are allowed to go to concerts, sports games, own cellphones and just whatever we want. this is also the time where we git either an allowance or get to keep our own montey.
kay the parties. this is the way the amish people get there reputations in the community i guess since amish life is so boring all they can do is gossip. kay imagine a shop or the woods whatever suits you, with up to 150 teens 200 beer cases plenny of cigs and (omg im lissening to gackts longing and it is the PERFECT backround music for this!!! )occasionly (about 30 out of 50 times) marajuana, weed and the whole shabambi. the git so drunk there horses have to find the way on there own and the taxi drivers have to take all the back roads so as not to get caught with these freaks. (ill admit ill proolly be a freak too)OH and even if they git caught they git to go back never jail coz they are a riligis group. but what is the excuse for this behavior "gitting rid of the devil" funny coz even when they git baptized to marry they still do crap like that, not as drastically but they still do it.
after getting baptized they usually get married (oh and btw even tho they were increddably drunk high w/e they all still stay abstinant.) (that was sarcasm, god i am a bitch!)
weddings are boring usually a guy has been saving for ages to get a house but if they dont have it built they live in an apartment above some relatives shop.
then they have at least 3 kids min 2 avg. 5 max 14 seriously
funerols are boring but for the rest of there lives men have jobs like carpenters and such and women stay home to watch and nurture kids. if they have jobs its cleaning houses, working in factories, or babysitting. of course they cant get good jobs coz they DIDNT GET AN EDUCATION!!!
but heres my life sorry this is so long
i was illegitamate i no that the person who is the best candidate for my dad is named will that is it. i dont no the story behind my birth like how they met or anything and i frankly dont want to no.
but i was raised by 3 aunts 2 uncles grand parents and various amounts of freinds of my aunts and uncles and mom. to tell the truth i barely have any memories of my mom when i was little. you can guess i was spoiled rotton but to tell the truth i think i came out pretty well. i went to kindergarten like all amish kids but also went thro the rest of school. when i was 5 my mom married my stepdad, who i call by his first name since i will never call the man dad. i dont have a dad. i guess you could call this an omen but the day of there wedding i broke my ankle. hahah maybe i just want to think about it like that. . . but any way over the years they had 4 kids 2 boys and 2 girls right now 3 are in school and the others going next year. they are still in public shool cos mom wants them to all go to amish scool together so as soonas the onegoes to kindergarten theyll all go to the hillbilly school donwn the road.
i went to public school cos mymom was supporting me alone. throughout school i guess you can say i turned into quite a character. . . i had a few freinds from k-3 but they moved away so i had a new group soon enough in 4-5 grade we were quite popular but bitches we only stood up for eachother and ignored everyone else including boys. middle school is the start of me as you no.
2 years earlier at age 9 i started reading sailor moon. i became interested and soon was reading all different types of manga. this is also when i started thinking. i started critiquing he amish society and realized the reality of my little world. i would be uneducated. that was my worst fear. and i wouldnt be able to live for myself. by this time i had started to draw and rihting my own stories. my dream of being a mangaka emergerd at age 12. throughout middleshcool i learned some important lessons #1: you have to be crafty, #2 support is top in the things needed,#3 i had to be an individual. i also realized that i was an outcast in both worlds. i was amish and could never live the life of a normal teenager. but i had big dreams for the future and there was no way to fit in with the amish people, besides i dindint want to and barely have any freinds.
depression set in and i started worrying about myself too much. believe it or not i delt with all 3 eating disorders. anerixia first then bulimia after i heard a cousin lost waight when she had the flu. i didnt lose a huge amount of weight but istarted acting weird and got bad stomach pains. my frends started worrying when they saw my cuts from panic attacks. it was i guess you could say my darkest hour. and its not something i can forget cos i have the scars on my arms. i didnt use knives! HELL no! they scared the crap out of me. i binged to and still got bad stomach pains. i recovered completely in april 2008. no i didnt see a pro my mom didnt even notice. i did it with the suppport of my frends. (they stopped my cutting and made me eat lunch and tell them exactly what i had eaten for brekky and dinner.) thats when i started recovery then in febuary i was searching HYDE (i had started listening to gackt on youtube after seeing him in a shojobeat magazine in december.) and found jpopasia.
i didnt join for a while but when i did. i really recovered cos jpop showed me a different face from the country i wanted to go to. i guess you can say i no had a soundtrack for my dreams.
i graduated middle school bawling my eyes out incredebly unattractively mind you and with my posse over the years crying around me. but then summer vee came around no one called i started working and depended on my jpop freinds more. im still freinds with most of them but otherwise its brief hugs.
now im trying to wait patiently for my dreas while drawing coming up with stories and doing everything possible to stay individual. i still occasionally have panic attacks. But i find out new stuff about myself everyday and am accepting me for who i am cos people i care about are accepting me.
so thats my life!
sorry that was so long but i wanted to give people a peek into the life of an amish person. sorry about the opinions i put in im just a b like that.
haha but i wanna thank all of you cos you relly have helped me.
luvluv forever!
and wish me luck!
and sorry if this was tmi.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGG!!!!!!!!
im takin freaking visual kei quiz after visual kei quiz on myspace!!
I AM LITERRALYY sHAKING MY FIST AT THE SKY AND YELLING "CURSE YOU FOR PUTTING ME HERE AND NOT IN JAPAN AS A VISUAL KEI/PUNK/GOTHIC LOLITA HIGH SCHOOL GIRL LIKE I FLIPIN WANT TO BE!"
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGG!!!!!!!!!


okay bit better but im gonna be 20!!!! when i get there so yeh you dont see a 20 year old traipsing around in lolita clothes do you?
screw it i will anyway!!!!
ahhhh feel a bit better. . .
if i become a mangaka ill hav an excuse for bein a bit crazy right?
hee
but arg
i could be going to gackt, gazette and se7en concerts and gittin ready to be a manga ka in THE country that came up with manga and what is this little amish girl in the middle of nowhere doing?
SHES 14 AND WORKING FULL TIME AT A FREAKING GREENHOUSE!!


*walks to a corner and throws herself an emo pity party. . . .*


*sniff* i dunno i just wish i could hurry up time a bit. . . ill geta chance when im 16 and go to like 20 cons a month with arri-chan. . . then ill dress gothich lolita and just enjoy. . .
OH in the city (san fran where i plan on moving when im 18)they have like the biggest cons in amerika!

YUSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

still sad tho i wanna meet gackt. . .

eeheehee!
ive been meaning to right this for AWHILE! but i was never on long enough!
i have made a um. . . whats the word. . . not life changing but sumpin that adds change to you life. WHATEVER!!!
I MADE RICE BALLS!
heh but i had no nori or salmon or umeboshi so i just stuck green apple in the middle. . .
i have also become a tea freak. . .
but all this food talk reminds me:
IVE BEEN PUTTING ON WIEGHT AGIAN!!!
im eating relly healthy tho. . . i eat all my fruit fruit for brekky, my veggies and some meats for lunch, then dairy and grains for din(amish home cooking is NOTORIOUS, big word, for all there grains, and desserts but my mamma rarely makes d so im good), and i dont eat between meals, and ever since i started to cook for myself ive been a real health food freeak. . .?
SO WTF!
prolly coz i don git enuf exersize. . .
oh well im good im not much worried bout my wieght right now coz RIGHT NOW iM GONNA GO EAT SOME PIZZA BITCH!!!

Mwahahahaha!!!

kay most of y'all no by now im amish.

SO!

let me make some things clear.

i am different from other amish people BECAUSE! :

- i'm a "luv child"
- i dont agree with most of the beliefs
- i no more about modern technology than most people (not just amish people)
- i have a dream i dont plan on giving up that does not have anything to do with religon
- i LUV JPOP!!!
- i think all amish people besides a select few are hypocrites
- i spent 9 years in a public school rather than a country oneroom school house thats teached by some no name hick (thats meen but its true)

and most importantly

- I DONT CARE WHAT RELIGON, RACE, POLITICAL PARTY, SEXUALITY, GENDER, ETC YOU ARE ILL ACCEPT AND BEFRIEND YOU IF YOU ARE AN AGREEABLE PERSON!!!

whatever that means

what i mean to say is that in general most amish people are racist and anti gay and SEXIST!

which seriously pisses me off

how many times have they said not to judge people and look at that crap

like i said HYPOCRITES!!



so i dont even see myself as an amish person and i hope noone has um. . avoided me for that reason kay?




bye bye!

LUVLUV!!

im so HAPPY! ive lost so much weight!

i look great im more confident, its AWESOME!!

i never thought i could do this then it just happened! hehe i guess gettin a job wasn't all that bad, eh?

im just so happy right now its unbelievable. . . not just that but i've come up with 2 new great story!

sigh

i cant believe how i used to be its so sad. . .

i was a lil b****! haha im talking like an old lady!

but w/e im happy thank you EVERYONE that helped me!!!

LUV LUV ALL!!

Omg. . . TOKIO HOTEL!!!!!!!!!

they are amazing!! i luv them soo much!!

I'm staring at a broken door
There's nothing left here anymore
My room is cold
It's making me insane

I've been waiting here so long
But now the moment seems to've come,
I see the dark clouds coming up again.

Running through the monsoon
Beyond the world,
To the end of time,
Where the rain won't hurt
Fighting the storm,
Into the blue,
And when I loose myself I think of you,
Together we'll be running somewhere new
Through the monsoon.
Just me and you

A half moon's fading from my sight
I see a vision in its light
But now it's gone and left me so alone
I know I have to find you now
Can hear your name, I don't know how
Why can't we make this darkness feel like home?

Running through the monsoon
Beyond the world
To the end of time
Where the rain won't hurt
Fighting the storm
Into the blue
And when I loose myself I think of you
Together we'll be running somewhere new
And nothing can hold me back from you
Through the monsoon

Hey! Hey!

I'm fighting all this power
Coming in my way
Let it take me straight to you
I'll be running night and day
I'll be with you soon
Just me and you
We'll be there soon
So soon

Running through the monsoon
Beyond the world
To the end of time
Where the rain won't hurt
Fighting the storm
Into the blue
And when I loose myself I think of you
Together we'll be running somewhere new
And nothing can hold me back from you
Through the monsoon

Through the monsoon
Just me and you
Through the monsoon
Just me and you

i luv this song. . .

Name: ami
Age: unknown
DOB: April 25
hair/eye: dirty blonde/ blue
obsession: jpop, manga

OCCUPATION: LIVE IN BABYSITTER

my life right now weeeeee

oh well lest im on jpop, two days in a row! YUSSS!!!

right now im watching bruce almighty,messaging on myspace, listening to gackt and scotty vanity at the same time and riting this journal entry

I AM POWERFUL MULTITALKIER!!! i ment tasker ya know right. . .

ugh bye

(btw not drunk im like this usually) . . . soz

omg one more day on Jpop!!!

this was relly unecxpected! i thought i d have to wait til i go to the library!!

Thank the lord glory hallalujah!!!

anyways you can tell its summer over here, there are guys walkin around in sleeveless shirts!! (or none at all!! )

hehe yay!! todays the second to last day of school im gonna be bawlen like crazy tomorrow hehe,

anyways we had our awards ceremony today igot honor role award weee! . . . not

i just read some of my old journal entries. . im a real wierd one arnt i. . .

OH WELL THATS HOW I BEEEE!!

haha bye

every one like my new avatr its super cute!!

haha this sux ill have to get off petty soon and gues what I WONT BE ABLE TO GET ON FOR AWHILE!!!!! sobbing

arg i need a get a laptop relly badly!

listening to kanfani8s wahaha THEY IS ALL SO CUTE!!!!

haha blidus charlesdefon rashiyu all yalls ill really miss you alot!!


bye bye
luv luv from ami to everyone at jpop and to gackt ( dont retire!!!)

every one like my new avatr its super cute!!

haha this sux ill have to get off petty soon and gues what I WONT BE ABLE TO GET ON FOR AWHILE!!!!! sobbing

arg i need a get a laptop relly badly!

listening to kanfani8s wahaha THEY IS ALL SO CUTE!!!!

haha blidus charlesdefon rashiyu all yalls ill really miss you alot!!


bye bye
luv luv from ami to everyone at jpop and to gackt ( dont retire!!!)

today might be my last day in a long time till a git to come back on a computer. . .

schools out in 2 days and the last 2 were not gonna have our regular periods. . . all fun day and crap. . . HOW BORING!!!!!!!!!

SO! i apologize in advance for not answereing to any messages quickly. . .

wahhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!! im gonna be sooooooooooooooooooo bored!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

im gonna miss you guys so much!!!!!!!!! stupid amish society why the hell cant we have electricity. . . oh well. . .

ill still git on evry time im near a computer ok!

luv luv forever to every body!!! luv for jpop!!

okay since last entry ive been thinkin of all the stupid pointless things ive done when ive gotten too mad and now ill give you a tutorial of what not to do.

NOTE: ALL THESE HAVE BEEN PERSONALLY EXPEIREENCED BY ami, REALLY)

DONT: kick a wall, a hole can coz problems youre rents'll git relly mad and you'll hurt your foot

DONT: punch a wall, you'll seriously hurt your hand (esp. if its concrete)
(Just dont do anything to a wall)

DONT: rip up a pillow, its a pain to clean up

DONT: hit a golfball/baseball/ any ball as hard as you can esp. when theres a
window present

DONT: smoke 3 cigs in 5 mins*, VERY BAD FOR YOUR LOUNGS!!!

DONT: stick yoiur finger in hot glue (see last entry)

DONT: play with a lighter, seriously my hair caught on fire!!

DONT: role down the steepest hill you can find, it makes you dizzy and puke. . . nuf said

DONT: tease animals, esp if that animal(s) is a big fat old horse named bozo, and a huge miniature pony named pudgy when your in a field surrounded by a electrical fence. . . for bein so huge those horsies can run pretty damn fast. . . heh

*YES ami DID TAKE UP THAT DISGUSTING UNHEALTHY UM THING ONCE IM NOT DOING IT ANYMORE SUCCESSFULLY QUIT

NOW:

heres what to do when your mad

turn on computer, go to internet, go to jpop, JPOP! it really does relax you. ..

hehe

;)

DO NOT STICK YOUR FINGER IN HOT GLUE FROM A HOT GLUE GUN!!!!!!

i am being so serios its unbelieveable i just did and it hurts like a freakn B****!!!!!

My FINGER!!!

OK this is what happened Cor'ney is not my fren becuz im frens with steff WTF that rally issed me off beyond years seffys my bff just coz shes emo doesnt; mean crap right!!?

arg only 2 more minutes of this period listening to redemption to make myself feel better!

bye

ok i have anew story that i want to get opinions of coz all my other frens are to busy with other stuff to read it.

But first THANK YUO EVRY ONE OF MY FRENS (NEW AN OLD) FOR BEIN THIS CRAZY B***** FREND!! I LUV IT HERE!! luv luv forever

any way heres the story sorry if its long

Arisa is a realist she isn't into fantasys or anything of the sort. Her freind Jamie on the other hand is all for it. Jamie comes back from her latest trip to America with the Pencil, needle, String game. She forces Ari-chan to do it. Arisa does and according to the pencil she will have 4 kids and fall for a guy named Haru.

Arisa: "BULL S***!!"

Next day a new guy shows up his names Haru. Jamie forces Ari-chan to become frens with him than after a while he asks her out, Jamie answers yes for her. (heh)

Two weeks later Arisa relizes she does like him but is stubborn and doesn't tell Jamie. Jamie has a secret too she is in love with him too!!

One of Jamies childhood frens shows up: ko-chan as everyone knows him by. He's your typical bad boy who loves teasin Arisa. which pisses her off. But a couple days later arisa walksin on Jamie and Haru kissing. promptly drops Haru and semmingl is okay with it all Ko-chan finds her crying and comforts her than makes a complete ass of himself and pisses Arisa off back into her normal self. (heh)

Those to end up liking each other but typical are to stupid to realize it until they both go to save Jamie from the koff a**hole koff Haru.

They end up gong out Heres the end: Arisa- see that stupid pencil of yours does not tell the future.
Ko-chan- hehe
Arisa- what!?
Ko-chan- i never told you did I my real names Haru.

give me your advice an opinions plz!

i have it all planned out!!

and i tell you its gonna happen!! mos' def!!

okay at the moment this one is 14. . . and becuz of my ridiculous little amish communities society, il have to get out of school this year, which suz a**!!! stupid stupid,

so
14- make money
15- make money
16- make money (FREEDOM TIME TO PARTY!!! )
17- make more money!
18- fly to california!! (finally! )start online high school classes, make money
19- take online classes, make money
20- fly to JAPAN!!! YUSSSS!! become manga-ka!!

this is going to happen i guarrenbte it!!

During year 16-18 ill have more freetime (YUSS!!) so ill get to hang out more and do whatever. . .

oh yeah what is amish? i dont wanna explain it but here you go: itsastupidlittlereligonthatirespectedoncebutdontanymorebecuzthererasictlilhypocritesthatdontpayattentiontoanyoneswantsorneeds!!

there ya go wanna find out more look it up, or ask me quetions but dont get upset if i flip!!

later das dudes!!

jpopasia changed servers?

when i wasn't on for like three days?

oh. . . um. . . heh delayed reacton much. .

plz excuse the blonde. . . i worry myself. . .

haha and all that weekend i was goin all crazy coz i couldn't get on a computer and i wouldn't have been able to get on jpop any ways. . .

haha oh well its all good now!

ja-ne

wow. . .

life has been relly boring lately. . .

well actually i shouldn't say that. . . ive come up with 2 new (sweet ) story ideas! YUSH!! but anyways if my mudder let's me go to the library today, im officially off grounding!!

THANK YOU LORD GLORY HALLALUJAH!!!!

Anyway, im in the mood to list things. . . don ask why im wierd like that. . .

okay (serious)

things that make me giggle :
-the song courtney and megan came up with
it goes: nooodle, meatball ! nooodle, sauce ! nooodle, breadstick !! noooodle, CHEESE!! (they got hand motions to it theyre so cute! ) hahaha were weird. . .
-ZABOOMAFU!!! lemurs is so cute!!


. . . ok im tired of listing. . .

bye!

. . .

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU, HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU, HAPPY BIRTHDAY DEAR REITA, HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOOOOOOOOOOOUUUUUUU!!!!

. . .

hehe

haha love for reita forever!! And lets not forget ruki, an' aoi, an' kai!! love for all y'alls!!!

sorry i havent been on for 3 days, IT WAS KILLING ME!!! i cant live with out jpop!

ja-ne!

IVE BEEN GITTING SO MANY NEW FRENDS!!!
thank you all im crying teares of happiness here!! luv luv 4-ever!

omg 4 more days til Reitas birfday!! luv him 4-ever too!

anyways, lately ive been feeling rrrrellly crappy. i think its coz im not eating carbs, (im on a diet coz im gettin fat) i have a headache. . BUT its gettin better coz im on JPOP!!

hehe. . . has any one tried the ami fu? i asure you they do work most of the time haha iv trid um lets just say certain peple will never try to touvh me or provoke me ever agian. . hehe

anyway schools almost out. .

NOOOOO!!! i cant go on jpop every day anymore. WE ONLY HAVE NINE MORE DAYS!!!

anyways got to go periods almost over love you all!!