My enlish lit exam is tomorrow... and i am soooo scared that i am going to FAIL FAIL FAIL... i have a need to do good lmao (which is not always a good thing... especially in my case loool) And i shouldnt worry too much because i dont want to take english at college, so all i need is a C... but i dont wanna C i want moreeeee (see... the need to do REALLY well is coming out now)

I really dont know why i am like this... it might be because i have an older brother who has done soooo well for himself... like he got ELEVEN GCSE's (which i am doing now) He was a straight A student ALL his life. He wnet through college and THEN attended one of THE BEST universities in the UK... so i guess i have ALOT to live up to really.

And i know that i shouldnt feel that way... about outshining my brother... because i know that my family are NOT going to compare him to me... (well at least i hope not) but i just sort of feel that he has set the bar... and i wanna pass it lool (just hope i am clever enough )

And now i dont even know if i into university because my family really cant afford it, not after everything that has happened this year. o.O just found out that my mams house is going to get put up for sale this summer but it has to be done i suppose.

But ARGGHH... all i wanna do is watch coffee prince and mince around on jpopasia. But no... i must focus and REVISE REVISE REVISE.

I have worked out that i have dont ONE of my exams... and i have FIFTEEN more to go. But my last exam is on the 24th of July... only a month and a bit more to go.

But then after my exams i am going to have to deside where i am going to live To be honest... i dont think that i will be allowed to live with my mam again... so i have to choose wih living at my dads... or at my brothers... personally i would like to live with my brother... but i am scared that i will hurt my dads feelings. But it if i live with my brother i will be soo close to my college and the rest of my family. Where as if i live with my dad i will be far away from my college and my family... so living with my brother will make mire sense to me to be honest

so scared

My first GCSE is tomorrow... and i am pooing my pants loool...its RE, so it shouldnt be that bad...hopefully anyway

I rememver first starting high school and thinking...'God... its ages until i do my GCSE's' But the five years that i have been at my school has absolutly flown by... i never thought that this day would come... the day i start to sit my exams.

Expect me back tomorrow, when i give a rantabout why i think i have failed my RE exam LMAO!!

Two weeks until my first exam... its English literature.

So for that i need to know a book called Of Mice and Men by John Steinbeck of by heart as well as a number of peoms by Carol Ann Duffy and Simon Armitage AND loads of pre - 19 poems

i hatttee English... and i am suposed to be good at it too!! But i cant just write essays off the top of my head like they are asking for in the exam!!

Urgghh... this sucks lmao!

My Mam just got told today that i wont be going back to live with her. I wasnt there when she got told... but apparently she got very upset. And then i started crying... so it was a good day all round (note the sarcasm) lmao

I am dreading going to see my mam next. My brother thinks that she will try to make me feel guilty for leaving her (which she probably will). But she wil just have to understand that none of this is fair on me. I cant deal with it if she starts drinking again. And it really doesnt help that she cant afford to look after me . Amd plus... unless my mam pays the bills, next week the gas is going to get cut off!!

When will thinkgs just start to get better... i cant wait WAIT for my exams to end... it will be ALOT of stress of my shoulders!!

Now i must go and occupy myself with jpop goodness

LOL... well ermm... i have never used this before... but i just really need an outlet for my feeling lmao (how cheesy does that sound )

I have just had a LOAD or crap going on in my life over the past year... it has REALLY SUCKED!!!

Well... i am not gonna talk about stuff that happened last year... just stuff that has happened like in the past month or so.

Okie... start from the beginning... my mam is an alcoholic! and because of that she has lost her job and her car. So with no money, she hasnt been paying the bills or buying food (i had been living on beans on toast for a VERY long time)So because what little money that we had went on vodka and cigarettes, the bills got neglected. It got so bad that my house got reposessed!!! That same day my mam went onto hospital because her belly has swollen like them children that you see in Africa, where their stomochs have swollen because they have no food (when my mam drinks she doesnt eat... ans she drank ALOT)

That meant that i had to stay at my brothers... which i did not mind at all... i really liked it actually. But because he is in the process of selling his house i had to move AGAIN! so now i am living with my dad... which is ok i s'pose.

But after everything that has happened no one in my family will let me live with my mam again.

And my sister has also told my mam that if she starts drinking again then she wants NOTHING more to do with her... bearing in mind that my sister and my mam used to be quite close.

And it really doesnt help that all of this is in the year of my exams!!! and they are REALLY important aswell. And there is sooooo much preassure on me to do well in these exams because i am predicted all A* - B's.

So i guess that you could just say that i am REALLY feeling the stress right now!!!

Whooo i feel a bit better now