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KinugoshiDofu

It's not the men that are confusing, it's the boys that make it hard.
kinugoshidofu

KinugoshiDofu is a chick who signed up 3 years ago. She owns the pretty amazing amount of 4,307 Jpops and was last seen here about 5 months ago

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Journals

  • Bad day.

    Posted on 25 March, 2013 (1 year ago) by KinugoshiDofu · 201 views · 1 comments · 0 likes

    My day sucked. So if you think I'm in the mood to hear about how hard YOUR workload is, you're wrong.

    I don't care how fancy and hard what you do is, cause you know what, college sucks for most of us. And we all gotta work our butts off - my redoing my year is actually fucking living proof of that.

    So don't go counting out your numbers and act like that's all that matters. I see what you do when you get home, have you forgotten?

    I gotta stop acting like a mother...

    Read more (91 words more)

    My day sucked. So if you think I'm in the mood to hear about how hard YOUR workload is, you're wrong.

    I don't care how fancy and hard what you do is, cause you know what, college sucks for most of us. And we all gotta work our butts off - my redoing my year is actually fucking living proof of that.

    So don't go counting out your numbers and act like that's all that matters. I see what you do when you get home, have you forgotten?

    I gotta stop acting like a mother or a wife, because I'm not. I'm just your roommate. Two complete strangers could be roommate.

    Next time, I'm cooking for myself when I get home, and if you miss it, that's too bad. And when I get dead-tired at 11pm and you're not answering my texts, I'm going to bed.

    Life is hard on everyone sometimes. Don't give the people that love you or want to make it better for you shit about it because that's not gonna fix it for you. · close

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    • BIG・SHOWについて

      Posted on 27 December, 2012 (2 years ago) by KinugoshiDofu · 61 views · 0 comments · 0 likes

      I'm going crazy with all this bottled up BIGSHOW feels... like seriously. My head is going crazy on the inside and I should be studying but this entire time I feel like either falling to bed in a fit of giggles or falling to bed in a fit of tears and either is not very attractive right now.

      I need to find a way to sort my thoughts or something, because this is proving to be highly unbeneficial for my health...

      >///< so. many. FEELS.

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      • ジ・ヅレゴンを考える

        Posted on 19 August, 2012 (2 years ago) by KinugoshiDofu · 93 views · 0 comments · 0 likes

        This is proving to be something quite ridiculous. I don't even know you and you've turned my brother into a vicious mess and made me worry for you.

        Now, instead of laying in bed at night and praying for love, I lay in bed and pray to speak with you, just five minutes, pray to see you, just five seconds, pray to hear you, just your voice.

        I hold no illusions to the fact that this is never going to happen. I guess most people are like that with their role-models ? The people...

        Read more (1016 words more)

        This is proving to be something quite ridiculous. I don't even know you and you've turned my brother into a vicious mess and made me worry for you.

        Now, instead of laying in bed at night and praying for love, I lay in bed and pray to speak with you, just five minutes, pray to see you, just five seconds, pray to hear you, just your voice.

        I hold no illusions to the fact that this is never going to happen. I guess most people are like that with their role-models ? The people they admire, those who they've grown to shape themselves after ?

        Most of the times, I can be very strict about this, "okay, no. You can never ask him what spurs him into writing, get over it," and that's alright.
        I'm never going to write songs with you and I'm never going to be in a picture with you - I'm never getting your autograph.

        I eat my breakfast and flip through my magazines and listen to your music and hey - I'm fine.

        I wish I could have a crush on you. Seriously - that bad. I wish I could be one of those fangirls who will confidently state that they will end up being the one and only Misses Kwon. But it's just... not like that.

        It's not even like I'm in denial about it either. I just want a trip inside your head.
        I don't want a spot in your heart.

        I want your genius. I want your years of training, your decades of exhaustion - I want your scruffy black hangul on piles of tainted white paper. I want your words, your wit - your ability to express feelings you've admitted to not even having experienced.

        I want your pain and your tears and your struggle - and I want it just to be the one to have written hundreds of songs, composed tunes, sang falsetto and lived to tell. I want your voice, to rap gruffly and reach the high notes just so.

        I'd say I want to be you, but that would sound so trite.
        God, I wish I could say, "I just want to shine in his shadow," but no, that doesn't quite cut it either.

        I write, and I'm not quickly envious of other people's writing. I know, perhaps better than most out there, that through hard work, a lot of practice and vigilant rereading rereading rereading, you can honour your skill by always striving towards improvement.

        When I take your lyrics and translate bit by bit I am sometimes just dumbstruck. By all the hidden layers and double meanings and I'm sure that once I develop my Korean I'll track down grammatical patterns like I do with Japanese lyrics and then maybe I'll just be even more awed.

        It is sick, how much I love language.

        I wish I could just... be a little fly on your wall when you do your thing and form the lyrics. I want to be your ink, your pen, your hand. I want to be your medium.

        I want your skill.

        I want whatever it is that drives you - all the emotions, all the pain love hurt lies happiness.

        And I want it too much. I wish to talk to you - and reality is right here knocking at my door telling me, "won't happen, not ever gonna be a real thing," and I know it.

        part of me doesn't want to know

        And you've turned me into this sickly mess that cries at the sheer luck of the people who have met you - just the thought that they've gotten to hear you speak.

        It goes to the point where I literally refuse to watch a youtube channel because they had the guts of dressing so un-accordingly for an interview with you.

        You try your best in the face of G-Dragon. He deserves that sort of respect -
        you don't write a hundred songs without some sort of respect being deemed proper -
        and it drives me crazy how for some reason, in that regard, no one can compete.

        Even though you're such a mundane person - and your English is awful and at the end of the day you're just a twenty-five-year-old who unabashedly promotes his sister and goes out partying with his friends and works himself into a coma.

        And that isn't even all that special - you should be just as ordinary as every single one of us. But you're just... not.

        I'm never going to talk to you - and you're never going to read this, and even if you read this, you won't understand because honestly your English truly could be a whole lot better - so you're never going to know this, but there's something there.

        You've got a skill I envy.
        You have thoughts molten into words and you have a power.
        And you should treasure it and nourish it and sometimes you should despise it and possibly throw a vase because of how hard it is.
        But don't ever waste it - know that if only this one person, there is someone out there who wishes she could be just a fragment of what you are.
        Know that despite your flaws and your mistakes and your falling down and struggling to get back up, you have been an example - nothing but a figment of a dream but the reason why I touch my pencil to paper and write the words that are locked deep inside.

        You should love that - even whilst loathing and despising and hating it.
        Love it with all you have - because most people are not as fortunate to get a chance to.
        Most people live their entire lives without even getting a glimpse of how magnificent they could have been.

        Don't waste your time thinking about could's and would's. Because there is never a question-mark there, never a wondering tone. It is always an unambiguous, unmistakable, undoubted full stop. · close

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        • I adore you~

          Posted on 25 July, 2012 (2 years ago) by KinugoshiDofu · 30 views · 1 comments · 0 likes

          I do believe I'm quite in love with you.

          And I'm really the dead-worst person for this emotion. I tend to confuse love with a deep sort of wanting - and not even that particular sort of wanting, more of a general sort of wanting for anything remotely... real.

          I love the idea of being in love - for all that it could possible bring. I love the idea of falling head's over for someone, when I read I find myself wanting that stupidity that seems to cha...

          Read more (124 words more)

          I do believe I'm quite in love with you.

          And I'm really the dead-worst person for this emotion. I tend to confuse love with a deep sort of wanting - and not even that particular sort of wanting, more of a general sort of wanting for anything remotely... real.

          I love the idea of being in love - for all that it could possible bring. I love the idea of falling head's over for someone, when I read I find myself wanting that stupidity that seems to charismatically come with falling in love.

          I want life seen through pink glasses.

          And I've never been this silly before, I can't describe it.

          When you talk to me I literally squeal and hop up and down. I get so giddy I want to roll over the floor. You call me "dear" so casually it hurts.

          And I'm not good with this - but I think about you every day and even after these months, I long to get to know you.

          And I'm not good at this, I not.

          But I do believe, this is what being in love is like.

          If only you could feel the same. · close

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          • MY BIGBANG COLLECTION <3 / ビック・ベングの著作集

            Posted on 9 July, 2012 (2 years ago) by KinugoshiDofu · 26 views · 0 comments · 0 likes

            Next up is my BIGBANG collection (plus my 2NE1 cd, so I guess… my YG collection ? LOL)

            http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m6wpliO33U1r0wgdoo1_500.jpg

            As you can tell from the picture, I have in total, a lot less YG than I have SME stuff… but YG orders a lot easier – and so much more stylish, kekeke ! I really had issues arranging the others, but with my BIGBANG (+2NE1) stuff it was just like, BAM bitch you go here, or like Key and Minho would say – so beautifully followin...

            Read more (1831 words more)

            Next up is my BIGBANG collection (plus my 2NE1 cd, so I guess… my YG collection ? LOL)

            http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m6wpliO33U1r0wgdoo1_500.jpg

            As you can tell from the picture, I have in total, a lot less YG than I have SME stuff… but YG orders a lot easier – and so much more stylish, kekeke ! I really had issues arranging the others, but with my BIGBANG (+2NE1) stuff it was just like, BAM bitch you go here, or like Key and Minho would say – so beautifully following one another – one click, finish DONE.

            That easy.

            Right, so from left to right is:
            BIGBANG2, a Japanese album
            Next are two Alive versions, first the general version, than the G-Dragon version
            After that, Remember
            Back to the left is BIGBANG mini-album 4 !
            Then the GD&TOP album
            My 2NE1 album, To anyone
            Then the 2011 BIGSHOW
            And at the bottom is the 2010 BIGSHOW

            There’s basically a little history behind almost everyone of these cd’s ^-^ or not a history, but a story at least… My first BIGBANG-related cd was actually the GD&TOP album, because I liked the collaboration before I liked the group. I’d encountered GD and he was usually referred to as “that small blonde rapper that’s older but looks way younger” and I had not a lot of good things to say about him simply because I didn’t know him. I had no idea where he came from, what he did, and why the hell he was moonwalking with a box in his arms. (something concerning GMarket… lol, I actually saved the gif as “G-Dragon pretty epic dude”, before I even knew him by more than his name. Needless to say, the first time I saw GD it was in this gif:
            http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m6wppeiTzg1r0wgdoo1_500.gif )

            Whilst browsing my vast collection of SHINee, I wrong-clicked and got Knock Out and gosh, this is a horrible way to put it, but it literally knocked me out. I’ve been hooked on GD&TOP ever since. It also helped that due to GD’s immaculate sense of style and TOP’s purple hair, I’d finally found a KPOP group my brother didn’t dare call gay – simply because he was afraid the little guy in the yellow knee-socks might jump out of the screen and come knock him out with a small dancing white-purpleish-haired dude on his hand.

            I was also really happy I still got an “old” version. I was saving for their album, and was adamant to buy it as a special treat to myself, I’d listened to all the songs a thousand times, and I was going to do the right thing and buy it when it felt good. But then they announced that the old version would no longer be made and I bought the album the same day as I read the news – I was one of the fortunate few who still received an “old” version ^-^ even though it’s pink, I love it.

            My entrance into the BIGBANG world was a whole lot less graceful though. I encountered Taeyang in “I need a girl” by accident and thought a guy with that kind of wish-list was way too picky and overrated, I always wondered how Daesung could still see when he smiled and I never even really noticed Seungri. Add that to the fact that all my friends were hyping “Haru Haru” and you’ve got a recipe for disaster.
            I honestly never planned on listening to BIGBANG, but with everyone telling me to go watch Haru Haru I was so disappointed. I don’t even want to discuss it, that period was horrid for me…

            I got over it quickly when I discovered Lies and Sunset glow.

            And from thereon, I found their Japanese album, and the rest is VIP history ! I wanted their Japanese album the most, so I went and bought it, because I loved every song on it, and it took me awhile to decide that yes, I wanted it, but by then I’d become such a fan I couldn’t refuse myself. After a month or so I became a loyal VIP – Taeyang made everything right with his butt-slap in Number One and his awesome voice, I didn’t care whether or not Daesung could see as long as he never stopped singing and Seungri took my breath away in 声を聞かせて.

            Alive was the first comeback I followed avidly. I had my first Japanese exams back then, and those teasers were the only thing that kept me sane. When Alive came out, I was so in love with it, I ordered it together with a friend – TOP version for her, GD for me cause we’re biased and we don’t care – and I was so happy with it! Then I went to a store, an hour-long train-drive away, and they actually sold Alive there as well! I had saved some money, but I wasn’t planning on spending it, but when I saw the general version… ah, I didn’t regret buying GD, but… I was a little sorry. I called my mom nearly crying asking her if it was okay if I bought the album a second time, and she said that if it’d make me happy, I really should, so I did!

            Lol, when I came home though, she was very disappointed with me, because it wasn’t a TOP version… my mother is a complete TOP bias after I showed her this:

            …and really, no one can blame her. She’s a little extreme though, as in, if TOP does something ridiculous, or if I have a vid of him being all silly, she’s fine with it, but when my friend and I watch the Super Show together she gets all bitchy about the guys dressing as vegetables XP Lol, if it’s TOP, it’s all cool, but she doesn’t very much care for any others – she even has a little bit of a dislike for GD, but she tunes it down because she knows how fond I am of him.

            My lovely mother the TOP bias is my reason for the BIGSHOWs. When she heard that there was a DVD out there that has “Act like nothing happened” on it, she wanted it, she demanded it. So I went searching for it online, but I couldn’t find the correct version.
            I went to a con with my sister and told my mum they might have the show there, so she supplied me money to buy it. When I came to the stand, I’d forgotten what BIGSHOW had the track! So I asked the sale’s man: “does this have TOP’s solo on it?” it was a rather unfriendly guy, and he didn’t speak Dutch – my French is not very good either, and his English was none-existent! – and when I tried to explain in French, it became clear he didn’t very well know what I was talking about. He just told me “is entire show. All solo’s” so, pleased with that, I bought the BIGSHOW.
            In the car-ride home, I started freaking out though. When I read the Hangul, it became clear that TOP had no solo on the one that I bought. I called my mother to tell her it might be the wrong one, and she said it would be okay and we’d just watch it and see.
            That evening we watched the BIGSHOW together, and even though the song wasn’t on it, she wasn’t very angry with me. She said she was happy to watch TOP perform either way.
            Later, I found the show online on a different site, and after checking the hangul like a dozen times, and comparing the track list to the official one – and getting my mother to stare at the hangul and compare as well even though she was complaining “I can’t READ THAT!” – I ordered it.

            Now we have two BIGSHOWs and sometimes when I wake up, I’ll hear BIGBANG singing and when I arrive in the living room my mom is cleaning with BIGBANG playing on the telly ^-^ and it’s all cool, I’m so happy. It feels like bonding activity when we watch together and it’s cute how she hums along and doesn’t complain when I squeal – which she does when I watch SuJu XP

            Remember was bought after a lot of doubt ^-^ but it has a lot of “less popular” songs that I absolutely adore! So I thought it was a good second addition to my collection!

            The mini-album was a gift from my Korean penpal. I really want to talk on and on about her, but I’d first just like to express how much it means to me that she bought me this album. Because she doesn’t listen to KPOP, and her friends don’t listen to KPOP, and their vision on KPOP is… harsh, to be frank. They have a dislike towards me despite not knowing me, because of my love for KPOP, but she was always like “I don’t care, you’re more than KPOP for me” and she proved that by buying me this album. It had a really sweet letter and sweets and it showed me that for her, something seemingly trite like music-flavour is not defining of a personality. I feel like we click and match perfectly together, even in music taste (despite KPOP) and that’s what’s most important. I think I’ll pretty much be forever grateful for that message, because so many people give me crap about liking Korean music… this was just very refreshing and showed me that truly, “the people who matter don’t mind, and the people who mind don’t matter.”

            The 2NE1 album is special to me because 2NE1 is the one girl’s group in KPOP that I like the most. I like f(x) as well, but in a different way. For me, 2NE1 truly is THE group in girl KPOP for me. When I listened to girl’s groups, I was always bothered with how typical they are. I can’t explain. It was like I’d seen all of them before. But then 2NE1 came and… I adore them. They’re quirky and weird and different and I love that.
            Sometimes I have issues with them, because I adore them and I look up to them so I feel sad of how some of them have altered themselves. But I love their music, it makes me happy – they’re good and different and despite how ugly I can sometimes feel, I somehow feel like I can connect to them in a way.

            Aish. I’ve gone all-out with this one… I just might have to redo the first two. I feel like I kind of had to get into this – at first I felt awkward going so into detail about my cds. But now that’s kind of gone and I feel like I haven’t done the others justice…

            Anyway, so far so good ! And more to come~

            http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m6wq0daNpr1r0wgdoo1_500.gif

            (Also... my collection has, in the meantime, grown again ! ^-^) · close

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            • 슬플 때도 기쁠 때도 끝까지 하자고

              Posted on 6 July, 2012 (2 years ago) by KinugoshiDofu · 27 views · 0 comments · 2 likes

              In the end we always just kind of talk about mundane, every-day trouble.

              Problems at work or boy-problems or grade-problems or pimple-problems.

              But we don't talk about how we almost died, or how this life is killing us.

              I have to admit I never actually thought of running off with you before. Because I always figured you were stronger than I am - we lean on each other and we work hard to keep our friendship going even when we feel like we want to quit.

              And I never thought you...

              Read more (766 words more)

              In the end we always just kind of talk about mundane, every-day trouble.

              Problems at work or boy-problems or grade-problems or pimple-problems.

              But we don't talk about how we almost died, or how this life is killing us.

              I have to admit I never actually thought of running off with you before. Because I always figured you were stronger than I am - we lean on each other and we work hard to keep our friendship going even when we feel like we want to quit.

              And I never thought you'd get over it - because I haven't. When I cut my bracelet I didn't cry. But when I'm working and I'm rubbing blue sanitizer into my skin before getting into the rubber gloves, my fingers automatically go to play and fumble where there used to be worn-out lint with bright lettering.

              My colleague has to wear her wedding ring around her neck and she complains about missing it. I wonder if it would be terribly inappropriate to tell her about it - I wonder if it feels very different. Carrying love around your finger, carrying death around your wrist.

              Except that I don't do that anymore, do I? And neither do you, or so you've told me. Is there something faulty in my head, causing me to text you, whilst you kept your mouth shut. Why was I the one needing support when I drew the scissors through the lint? Why were you untouched?

              Sometimes I still think about the guy you say I've saved. I think about if he knows how angry you were with me afterwards, about if he knows that I left you to help him and about if he hurts. I wonder if he stood in the shower afterwards and watched the blood run down and disappear into the drain and thought, "well, wasn't that blonde a nice one" and is it silly?

              Oddly enough the thunder isn't a trigger. I think about it after the thunder, in terms of "there was a storm and I didn't think about it, how crude". And then I think about it and a piece of my mind kind of shuts off.

              I can't tell you that listening to music physically hurts, now. I listen, all the time, and it's accompanied by this sort of gnawing at my stomach. I think it's my stomach but I feel it in my chest and it's like heart-burn too - but I can't stop.

              I would never want to give up the Super Show for anything, but afterwards and before and during, with all the cheering and the excitement and I-can't-breathe-so-good, I was repulsed with myself. I was repulsed with the people beside me, and as I breathed in too-thick air and swallowed water that couldn't quench me I felt repulsed with everything I had, so sick, and it hurts, hurts hurts.

              There was a brief second before the show started where a fear gripped me. When Super Junior entered the stage I cried about how small they were but my vision flashed white for a moment and I saw the chandelier crash down and the screen broke and the tent collapsed and then Super Junior was back and I was fine.

              I wish I could talk to you about how I want to go. I wish I could run with you, flee from this world - I wish we could fly and soar and smile at the sun and moon and never be here again.

              I wish I could stop being afraid my father will leave me, that my mother will break. Because my father's left and my mother's already broken.

              I want you to tell me when you see me, how much you've missed me. And I want you to tell me, we'll go. Anywhere, just not here.

              Before, I was thinking that perhaps I should call the airline and tell them that I want my return ticket from South-Korea canceled. I have some money set apart and maybe I can just stay, find a job and make it work. I don't even care where anymore - I always thought I wanted to go to Japan, but now I realise I just don't want to stay.

              Right now, I no longer think of the journey, I think of the arrival and feeling home. Right now, this does not feel like it.

              I want to put A-YO on repeat and have it save me like it always does - but the thought sickens me and I might throw up, I don't know. I wish I could talk to you instead of write this down but you know, ironically, I'm not very good with words - I always seem to say the wrong things.

              I wish I could hold myself to never talking again. What's the use anyway - I never have anything useful to say.

              I just...

              슬플 때도 기쁠 때도 끝까지 하자고 · close

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              • シュパー・ジュニオヨの著作集 (MY SUPER JUNIOR COLLECTION <3)

                Posted on 24 June, 2012 (2 years ago) by KinugoshiDofu · 30 views · 1 comments · 1 likes

                シュパー・ジュニオヨの著作集 (MY SUPER JUNIOR COLLECTION <3)

                SUPER JUNIOR

                This picture is absolute shite, and I'm not afraid to admit it... they were the first that I tried to arrange artistically XP When I read other people talking about their collection and see pics, it's always so nicely done... normally, mine just stand on the rack, with some of the more "special ones" looking over my room. But never all of them a...

                Read more (805 words more)

                シュパー・ジュニオヨの著作集 (MY SUPER JUNIOR COLLECTION <3)

                SUPER JUNIOR

                This picture is absolute shite, and I'm not afraid to admit it... they were the first that I tried to arrange artistically XP When I read other people talking about their collection and see pics, it's always so nicely done... normally, mine just stand on the rack, with some of the more "special ones" looking over my room. But never all of them are needed to be shown like this... I'd like to change that next year ! I want a big rack to stall them all out prettily !

                http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m6367j6hm31r0wgdoo1_500.jpg

                Lol, I don't even know how to work the list off this one. I guess, you know in the vision the picture is in right now, left to right...

                At the top right is the Super Show 3 dvd, which I "share" with a very good friend <3 As in, we HAD to have it, but it was a little expensive, so we split the cost and now we share it ! We take turns guarding it at home and usually watch it together !
                Then, top row left of the pic, there's my SuJu M, Perfection !
                Super Junior Happy (it's so blurred !)
                Mr. Simple B
                Back to the left, Super Junior T, rokugo (I love this so much ! No words can describe it ! I mean, I did an oral exam about trot music, and I really like the genre – just… Heechul’s trot voice in “tok tok tok”. It gives me chills all over my body, it’s so good. Though… I really like Donghae and Leeteuk’s as well ! Anyway, they’re all good, it’s just that when Heechul gets in his “naneun…” I die of epicness.)
                And then all the way to the right, Oppa, Oppa !
                Back to the left, Sorry Sorry
                Under Sorry Sorry is the first single U
                On its right is first Bonamana B, then A (which was my first SuJu album !^-^)
                The cd's are spread over two Mr. Simple A versions.
                The green one is my first Mr Simple, a Siwon version. My friend is a big Siwon bias, and she really wants his Mr Simple. When I ordered mine you still had the option to choose your version, and I was really excited to get Siwon ! But now when she wanted to order, she could no longer choose. So I decided to just order it again, and if I didn't get a second Siwon, I would just swop them. So I took the new cd and cards and put it in my old Siwon cover ^-^ it's already packed to give for her birthday, that's why it looks so weird, kekeke XP
                And, now I have a Sungmin ! I'm so happy :D Maybe one day, I can have owned them all ! Hahaha :D But no, I'm very happy with my Sungmin~~ actually, I'd be happy with just anyone, but knowing my friend will be dancing around of excitement that she got a Siwon version, like magic!, makes me even happier !

                With Bonamana, I got a Ryewook fancard ! (I'm such a fortunate person to have gotten Tranny with my first SuJu cd !)
                With Perfection, I originally had Siwon, but I traded it with my Siwon-bias friend ^-^ (ironically, also for a Sungmin card XP)
                And with my Mr Simple B-side, I got an Eunhyuk !

                Ah, I'm planning on taking pictures of my fancards and socks as well one day :D Hahaha, I'm already looking forward to it~

                I don't know why, but this just makes me so very happy ! Doing this silly things... aish, my collection is still on the floor in front of me and I just feel to at peace to know it's right there.

                Lol, I have this little teaser-pic for when I decide to talk about my socks !
                They're the newest I got, a BIGBANG collection, and I took this picture to send it to my friend to point out how suspicious it is that GD and TOP are both pink... (yes, I ship GTOP. Because they are suspicious!)

                http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m6396f8LZ21r0wgdoo1_500.jpg

                You know... my Super Junior collection is not as big as my SHINee collection, but it's always just growing. I hope one day I can own every SHINee cd, and I want that so badly it aches - with SuJu, it's very different. For some reason, when I think of Suju cd's, I'm just... calmer. I don't worry "oh no, my collection will never be completed", I'm just at ease and can just watch the collection grow steadily... It’s strange. It’s definitely not that I love SuJu less – because granted, I would call myself a Shawol before an ELF, but that’s not very accurate either. I never really juxtapose the two… it’s Super Junior and SHINee an no comparison is ever needed. Which I guess, is why my feeling towards my collection of them are so different…

                NEXT IS BIGBANG ! <3 · close

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                • シャイニーの著作集 (MY SHINEE COLLECTION <3)

                  Posted on 23 June, 2012 (2 years ago) by KinugoshiDofu · 31 views · 3 comments · 1 likes

                  I've cataloged my KPOP cd/dvd collection !
                  Because I still have one more exam to go and I think I might be dead by the time it's done so I really need to share this with the world !

                  First off is my SHINee collection !

                  http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m63699vhD01r0wgdoo1_500.jpg

                  From left to right, top to bottom is:

                  Sherlock (I was given the "Key" version, so to speak, because my Key was in front, but ac...

                  Read more (607 words more)

                  I've cataloged my KPOP cd/dvd collection !
                  Because I still have one more exam to go and I think I might be dead by the time it's done so I really need to share this with the world !

                  First off is my SHINee collection !

                  http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m63699vhD01r0wgdoo1_500.jpg

                  From left to right, top to bottom is:

                  Sherlock (I was given the "Key" version, so to speak, because my Key was in front, but actually, I got a Minho along with it... so yeah ^-^)
                  SHINee World (the first album)
                  The first mini-album
                  A.MI.GO (the first album repackage)
                  Then there's Lucifer A and B (on the floor. The B version is the one with the close-up of Minho's face, the A version is the one below it, on the left.)
                  Then on the left, lying on the floor under Sherlock is the Japanese Juliette.
                  SHINee the first Japanese (I have this one two times ^-^)
                  Hello (this one I have twice already, I got the second one for my birthday from a friend ^-^)
                  Then next to Lucifer A, is Romeo ! I have the Onew version ^-^ (so lucky, I couldn't choose it, it was randomly sent, and still I got my bias °w°)
                  (Back to the left side again!)
                  Replay Japanese
                  2009 YOU (year of us)
                  And then the blue thingy with Shining Lights is SHINee World dvd <3

                  And this one isn't in the picture (it's in the general pic though!) is my Sherlock Japanese ^-^

                  I might upload a picture of my fancards next time I have an urge for KPOP spazzing, but for now I'll just sum them up.
                  With my Lucifer A, I got a Minho fancard, which I later traded with a Minho-bias for an Onew fancard.
                  SHINee the first Japanese, I first got a Key fancard, and with my second copy, an Onew card !
                  For the Korean Sherlock I got a general fancard, which is abnormally large :D I'm very happy with it though, even though it's a little weird that it's so big !
                  And for the Japanese Sherlock, I got a Minho with that one !
                  So only Taemin and Jonghyun left, and I have a complete SHINee collection ! HOERAH !

                  A lot of people are really happy for me and my collection, but there's some who can be a bit vicious in their comments because I have more cds than them. I just want to say, I'm a fortunate person. I got one cd from my friend, and my first SHINee cd I ever got (the green one, fittingly, the first album!) I got from my brother as a gift. I have a big passion for a lot of Asian countries, and my brother and I went to a convention together once. It was our first convention (and there aren't that many good or big ones where I live) and I'd been listening to kpop for a long time. Problem is that most bands didn't have a youtube channel back then and in general it was just very hard to find - so when my brother saw that they had cds, he was excited for me. Problem was that I had no money, and since my brother is older and works, he did, so he bought them for me.
                  As for the Japanese Sherlock, I got that because I worked so hard all year, and my mom wanted me to have a present so that even if I failed, I would still be proud of my hard work.
                  As for all the rest... I saved for those, and I worked in the summer, and I paid for them myself.

                  I will talk about my Super Junior collection in the next diary~~

                  AISH ! I love my SHINee's so muuuuch ! Just watching them makes me so happy !

                  http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m637i2lb0V1r0wgdoo1_500.jpg

                  This is a picture of my full collection ^-^ it looks like so muuuuch ! :D

                  Now, on to SuJu <3 · close

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                  • 今、寂しい

                    Posted on 1 June, 2012 (2 years ago) by KinugoshiDofu · 28 views · 0 comments · 0 likes

                    There's possibly like a million different things I should be doing right now, and crying is possibly number one on that list.

                    Because I don't know who ever said it, but it comes down to the fact that tears are just words that weren't meant to be spoken and there's so many things I desperately want to say, but I can't.

                    But there's been times where I cried so hard that it felt like I'd never stop and I'm really afraid, because what if I never stop, not...

                    Read more (283 words more)

                    There's possibly like a million different things I should be doing right now, and crying is possibly number one on that list.

                    Because I don't know who ever said it, but it comes down to the fact that tears are just words that weren't meant to be spoken and there's so many things I desperately want to say, but I can't.

                    But there's been times where I cried so hard that it felt like I'd never stop and I'm really afraid, because what if I never stop, not for the rest of my life? When I cry and I stop sobbing and tears are still running down my cheeks, it freaks me out and I don't want that to happen, not again.

                    And it would be silly too, because when I almost died I couldn't cry. I can't cry over this, because it frankly wouldn't be worth it.

                    And I still feel like crap and like my life isn't going anywhere and why is there a special person for everyone but me?

                    Am I really going to be so unhappy over this? In retrospect I'd say probably not, but when I think of it again, yes, definitely yes.

                    You know what. The two of you can just go happily shag each other or something. You don't know each other, I don't care, you both played me, go fuck yourselves or something. I'm not going to put any effort into trying to deny that you pretty much broke me.

                    And you know, next time you try holding onto me like I'm something you've dearly missed since I left, don't fucking bother trying. Because you pushed me away, so you can go stick your self-pity up your ass because you got no one to thank for this but yourself.

                    And you. You go make some other blonde some sushi. Next time you try bribing me with your hearts and your messages in wasabi mayo...

                    Well there won't be a next time. I never want to see you or your stupid smile again.

                    PS: that fat girl that you called fat was right to call you a midget, midget. · close

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                    • __Never even mind.

                      Posted on 24 May, 2012 (2 years ago) by KinugoshiDofu · 13 views · 0 comments · 0 likes

                      So today is Thursday and I still haven't heard from you~

                      Which is really just fine by me. Except that it's not, but I'm going to pretend like it is. Because I'm sick of this game you play where you pretend to care.

                      And I'm sick of this character you play.

                      But you know what, I'm going to act my age here, and I'm not going to try and fix this for you anymore. Because you're just one of those people who likes the drama and I'm guessing it...

                      Read more (140 words more)

                      So today is Thursday and I still haven't heard from you~

                      Which is really just fine by me. Except that it's not, but I'm going to pretend like it is. Because I'm sick of this game you play where you pretend to care.

                      And I'm sick of this character you play.

                      But you know what, I'm going to act my age here, and I'm not going to try and fix this for you anymore. Because you're just one of those people who likes the drama and I'm guessing it makes you feel alive or something? So I'm through.

                      And if you haven't gotten back to me by the dead-line, I'm saying goodbye and I doubt you'll even care.

                      (And it's not fine by me, but I'll pretend it is.)

                      I feel really safe right now. I keep on just hearing this little voice in my head that says, I have the perfect amount of friends who care; some. And if they don't, I figure it's a real shame, but at the end of the day, I'm a big girl and I figure eventually I'll manage, yeah.

                      Because I just ask myself: in ten years, will this matter?

                      ...and I guess it won't.

                      So we'll see. Time will tell. I'll be good and be patient. · close

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