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27lesha88 is a girl who signed up 4 years ago. She owns like 528 Jpops and was last seen here about 2 years ago
Here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods:
On a hairdryer : Do not use while sleeping.
(Gee, that's the only time I have to work on my hair!)
On a bag of sweets:
You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.
(The shoplifter special!)
On a bar of Soap:
Directions: Use like regular soap. (And that would be how?)
On some frozen dinners: Serving suggestion: Defrost.
(But it's *just* a suggestion!)
On a dessert: Do not turn u...
Read more (201 words more)Here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods:
On a hairdryer : Do not use while sleeping.
(Gee, that's the only time I have to work on my hair!)
On a bag of sweets:
You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.
(The shoplifter special!)
On a bar of Soap:
Directions: Use like regular soap. (And that would be how?)
On some frozen dinners: Serving suggestion: Defrost.
(But it's *just* a suggestion!)
On a dessert: Do not turn upside down.
*printed on bottom of the box* (Too late! You lose!)
On a Pudding packet:
Product will be hot after heating. (Are you sure? Let's experiment. )
On packaging for an iron: Do not iron clothes on body.
(But wouldn't that save more time?) (Whose body?)
On Children's cough medicine: Do not drive car or operate machinery.
(We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents
if we just kept those 5 year olds off those fork lifts.)
On a sleep medicine:
Warning: may cause drowsiness. (One would hope!)
On a Korean kitchen knife:
Warning keep out of children. (Or pets! What's for dinner?)
On a string of Chinese-made Christmas lights: For indoor or
outdoor use only.
(As opposed to use in outer space? Or underground?)
On a Japanese food processor: Not to be used for the other use.
(Now I'm curious.)
On peanuts packet: Warning: contains nuts.
(Not to mention the nut who wrote the warning )
On an American Airlines packet of nuts: Instructions: open
packet, eat nuts.
(DDDUUUHHH)
On a childs superman costume:
Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly.
(That's right, destroy a universal childhood fantasy!)
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It's always darkest before................Daylight SavingsTime.
Never underestimate the power of..........termites.
You can lead a horse to water but.........how?
Don't bite the hand that..................looks dirty.
No news is................................impossible.
A miss is as good as a....................Mr.
You can't teach an old dog new............math.
Love all, trust...........................me.
The pen is mightier than the..............pig...
It's always darkest before................Daylight SavingsTime.
Never underestimate the power of..........termites.
You can lead a horse to water but.........how?
Don't bite the hand that..................looks dirty.
No news is................................impossible.
A miss is as good as a....................Mr.
You can't teach an old dog new............math.
Love all, trust...........................me.
The pen is mightier than the..............pigs.
An idle mind is...........................the best way to relax.
Where there's smoke there's...............pollution.
Happy the bride who.......................gets all the presents.
A penny saved is..........................not much.
Two's company, three's....................the Musketeers.
Laugh and the whole world laughs with you,cry and.......................you have to blow your nose.
Children should be seen and not...........spanked or grounded.
If at first you don't succeed.............get new batteries.
You get out of something what you.........see pictured on the box.
When the blind leadeth the blind..........get out of the way.
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Never trust a dog to watch your food.
When your dad is mad and asks you, "Do I look stupid?" don't answer him.
Never tell your mom her diet's not working.
Stay away from prunes.
Never allow your three-year old brother in the same room as your school assignment.
Puppies still have bad breath even after eating a tic tac.
Never hold a dust buster and a cat at the same time.
You can't hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk....
Read more (42 words more)Never trust a dog to watch your food.
When your dad is mad and asks you, "Do I look stupid?" don't answer him.
Never tell your mom her diet's not working.
Stay away from prunes.
Never allow your three-year old brother in the same room as your school assignment.
Puppies still have bad breath even after eating a tic tac.
Never hold a dust buster and a cat at the same time.
You can't hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk.
If you want a kitten, start out by asking for a horse.
Felt markers are not good to use as lipstick.
Don't pick on your sister when she's holding a baseball bat.
Never try to baptize a cat.
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1. I can please only one person per day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow isn't looking good, either.
2. I love deadlines. I especially like the whooshing sound they make as they go flying by.
3. I'd explain it to you, but your brain would explode.
4. Someday we'll look back on all this and plow into a parked car.
5. There are very few personal problems that cannot be solved by a suitable application of high explosives.
6. Tell me what you ...
Read more (180 words more)
1. I can please only one person per day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow isn't looking good, either.
2. I love deadlines. I especially like the whooshing sound they make as they go flying by.
3. I'd explain it to you, but your brain would explode.
4. Someday we'll look back on all this and plow into a parked car.
5. There are very few personal problems that cannot be solved by a suitable application of high explosives.
6. Tell me what you need and I'll tell you how to get along without it.
7. Accept that some days you're the pigeon and some days you're the statue.
8. Needing someone is like needing a parachute. If he isn't there the first time you need him, chances are you won't be needing him again.
9. I don't have an attitude problem. You have a perception problem.
10. Last night, I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and thought to myself, "Where the heck is the ceiling?"
11. My Reality Check bounced.
12. On the keyboard of life, always keep one finger on the Escape key.
13. I don't suffer from stress. I'm a carrier.
14. You're slower than a herd of turtles stampeding through peanut butter.
15. Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons because, to them, you are crunchy and taste good with ketchup.
16. Everybody is somebody else's weirdo.
17. Never argue with an idiot. They drag you down to their level.
18. Am I getting smart with you? How would you know?
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~Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening', and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.
~If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
~For Sale: Parachute. Only used once, never opened, small stain.
~Do you have trouble making up your mind? Well, yes or no?
~If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.
~Many people quit looking for work when they find a job.
~When I'm not in m...
Read more (257 words more)
~Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening', and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.
~If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
~For Sale: Parachute. Only used once, never opened, small stain.
~Do you have trouble making up your mind? Well, yes or no?
~If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.
~Many people quit looking for work when they find a job.
~When I'm not in my right mind, my left mind gets pretty crowded.
~Everyone has a photographic memory. Some just don't have film.
~You know the speed of light, so what's the speed of dark?
~Join The Army, Visit exotic places, meet strange people, then kill them.
~Always forgive your enemies - Nothing annoys them so much.
~When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
~I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out.
~I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
~I poured Spot remover on my dog. Now he's gone.
~Before borrowing money from a friend, decide which you need more.(Friend or Money !)
~Death is hereditary.
~There are three sides to any argument: your side, my side and the right side.
~An consultant is someone who takes a subject you understand and makes it sound confusing.
~Never argue with a fool. People might not know the difference.
~When you're right, no one remembers. When you're wrong, no one forgets.
~I like work. It fascinates me. I sit and look at it for hours.
~If you can't see the bright side of life, polish the dull side.
~Where there's a will, there are five hundred relatives.
~Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.
~~Always and never are two words you should always remember never to use.
---------Wendell Johnson
~~It matters not whether you win or lose; what matters is whether I win or lose.
--------Weinberg
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- "Accept this sacrifice, O Great Lord of Darkness"
- Bo! Bo! Come back with that! Bad Dog!
- Better save that. We'll need it for the autopsy.
- Everybody stand back! I lost my contact lens!
- Could you stop that thing from beating? It's throwing my concentration off.
- Oops! Hey, has anyone ever survived 500 ml of this stuff before?
- Wait a minute, if this is his spleen, then what's that?
- Hand me that... uh... whatever it's cal...
- "Accept this sacrifice, O Great Lord of Darkness"
- Bo! Bo! Come back with that! Bad Dog!
- Better save that. We'll need it for the autopsy.
- Everybody stand back! I lost my contact lens!
- Could you stop that thing from beating? It's throwing my concentration off.
- Oops! Hey, has anyone ever survived 500 ml of this stuff before?
- Wait a minute, if this is his spleen, then what's that?
- Hand me that... uh... whatever it's called !
- Oh no! I just lost my watch.
- There go the lights again...
- Ya' know... there's big money in kidneys... and this guy's got two of 'em.
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RING...RING.....
Welcome to the Psychiatric Ward.
If you are obsessive-compulsive, please press 1 repeatedly.
If you are codependent, please ask someone to press 2.
If you have multiple personalities, please press 3, 4, 5 and 6.
If you are paranoid-delusional, we know who you are and what you want. Just stay on the line so we can trace the call.
If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a little voice will tell you which number to press.
If you are manic-de...
RING...RING.....
Welcome to the Psychiatric Ward.
If you are obsessive-compulsive, please press 1 repeatedly.
If you are codependent, please ask someone to press 2.
If you have multiple personalities, please press 3, 4, 5 and 6.
If you are paranoid-delusional, we know who you are and what you want. Just stay on the line so we can trace the call.
If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a little voice will tell you which number to press.
If you are manic-depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press. No one will answer.
If you are delusional and occasionally hallucinate, please be aware that the thing you are holding on the side of your head is alive and about to bite off your ear. · close
Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.
"If there are any idiots in the room, will they please stand up?" said the sarcastic teacher. After a long silence, one freshman rose to his feet. "Now then mister, why do you consider yourself an idiot?" enquired the teacher with a sneer.
"Well, actually I don't," said the student, "but I hate to see you standin...
Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.
"If there are any idiots in the room, will they please stand up?" said the sarcastic teacher. After a long silence, one freshman rose to his feet. "Now then mister, why do you consider yourself an idiot?" enquired the teacher with a sneer.
"Well, actually I don't," said the student, "but I hate to see you standing up there all by yourself."
This cat, is cat, a cat, good cat, way cat, to cat, keep cat, an cat, idiot cat, busy cat, for cat, 20 cat, seconds cat! ... Now read without the word cat.
A lawyer defending a man accused of burglary tried this creative defense: "My client merely inserted his arm into the window and removed a few trifling articles. His arm is not himself, and I fail to see how you can punish the whole individual for an offense committed by his limb." "Well put," the judge replied. "Using your logic, I sentence the defendant's arm to one year's imprisonment. He can accompany it or not, as he chooses." The defendant smiled. And, with his lawyer's assistance, he detached his artificial limb, laid it on the bench and walked out.
ADULT: A person who has stopped growing at both ends and is now growing in the middle.
GOSSIP: A person who will never tell a lie if the truth will do more damage.
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Patient: Doctor, I feel like a pack of cards.
Psychiatrist: I'll deal with you later.
Patient: Everyone keeps ignoring me.
Psychiatrist: Next please!
Mother: Mrs. Jokes next door has a new baby.
Daughter: What will she do with her old one?
Mother: You prayed for grandma, grandpa, and Aunt Sue. Why didn't you pray for Uncle John too?
Daughter: I didn't want to ask for too much.
Parent: I'd like a day without punishing you.
Little Mishief: You...
Patient: Doctor, I feel like a pack of cards.
Psychiatrist: I'll deal with you later.
Patient: Everyone keeps ignoring me.
Psychiatrist: Next please!
Mother: Mrs. Jokes next door has a new baby.
Daughter: What will she do with her old one?
Mother: You prayed for grandma, grandpa, and Aunt Sue. Why didn't you pray for Uncle John too?
Daughter: I didn't want to ask for too much.
Parent: I'd like a day without punishing you.
Little Mishief: You have my full permission!
Sailor: I was shipwrecked, and lived on a can of sardines for a week.
Captain: My, weren't you afraid that you'd fall off?
Student: Could I get in trouble if I didn't do something?
Teacher: Well, I don't suppose so.
Student: In that case, I didn't do my homework.
Jim: What's white, steep, and has ears?
Tara: I don't know.
Jim: A snow-covered mountain.
Tara: What about the ears?
Jim: Haven't you ever heard of mountaineers?
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:laughing: :laughing:this is funny...you might like it....
Men
01. Drive to the bank, park, go to the cash dispenser
02. Insert card
03. Dial code and desired amount
04. Take the cash, the card and the slip
Women
01. Drive to the bank
02. Engine stalled
03. Check make-up in the mirror
04. Apply perfume
05. Manually check haircut
06. Park...
:laughing: :laughing:this is funny...you might like it....
Men
01. Drive to the bank, park, go to the cash dispenser
02. Insert card
03. Dial code and desired amount
04. Take the cash, the card and the slip
Women
01. Drive to the bank
02. Engine stalled
03. Check make-up in the mirror
04. Apply perfume
05. Manually check haircut
06. Park the car - failure
07. Park the car - failure
08. Park the car - success
09. Search for the card in the handbag
10. Insert card, rejected by the machine
11. Throw phonecard back in handbag
12. Look for bank card
13. Insert card
14. Look for the chit (where secret code written) in handbag
15. Enter code
16. Study instructions for 2 minutes
17. #Cancel#
18. Re-enter code
19. #Cancel#
20. Call Boyfriend/husband to get correct code
21. Enter huge amount
22. #Error#
23. Enter large amount
24. #Error#
25. Enter smaller amount
26. Cross fingers
27. Take cash
28. Go back to the car
29. Check make up in rear mirror
30. Look for keys in handbag
31. Start car
32. Drive 50 meters
33. STOP
34. Drive back to bank machine
35. Get out of the car
36. Take card and ticket back from machine
37. Go back to the car
38. Throw card on passenger seat
39. Throw slip on the floor
40. Check make up in rear mirror
41. Manually check haircut
42. Go into roundabout - wrong way
43. BRAKE!!
44. Go into roundabout - right way
45. Drive 5 kilometers
46. Remove hand brake
47. Stop at mall
48. Spend money
49. Go back to step 1
i have to say i only do about half of those steps. maybe 25 or 30. :STbigSmile: i soo dont check myself out in the mirror that much. i would not have forgotten the card in the atm. and i wouldnt have gone into roundabout - wrong way. unless too tired. 
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